I learned today that one of my students' little sister was killed in a car accident on Monday night. She was in kindergarten. I can't imagine the pain that his family feels. A throbbing pain in their heats. Recently opened and newly loved Barbie dolls left by Santa just 3 weeks ago are now slaps in the face of what was once an everyday occurrence.
This sad news caused me to reflect on my own siblings and what it would be like to loose one of them. The Heyden in me can relate loosing a sibling to an amputee patient. the limb is physically gone but you can still feel it, as if it never left you. i believe it is called ghost (insert body part here) or something like that.
I am blessed for being born Into a huge, loud, catholic Irish- Italian family.
I am also blessed for being the eldest grandchild on both sides. As the saying goes, "to much is given, much is expected" Being the oldest brings much responsibility. 1st Borns seem to take on in a way a parenting role. a role in which i gladly took on at the prime age of 4 (going on 25 of course) with the arrival of the large personality that is Kelly-Anne.
Instead of getting upset and jealous (believe me I should have been freaking out! I had some huge competition. Have you seen her brown eyes?!?) i immediately made her my own. she was MY baby and continued to be my baby even after the arrival of mary francis. Everywhere we would go, grocery store, pool, mass, whatever, my mom would take mary and I had Kelly-ann. Not sure why. I think it was because it was because of Mary's ADHD episodes of dancing on the van naked and walking to the pool. it was a little too much to handle as a 5-7 year old. I was good but not THAT good. It's funny: I remember being that "motherly" sister and in my head and sitting here typing this it all seems so natural and normal. No big deal. But if you ever go to my parents' house and watch the video of Mary's baptism, you see my mom with her obso stylish 90s hair cut carrying Mary into church, cute little Kevin wearing khakis, a plaid collared shirt and dinosaur sneakers with his hands In his pockets feeling particularly shy over aunt caren (the one recording the video), asking him questions about the big day. Then There's this tall gangly blonde (that's me) with freckles and buck teeth, carrying a toddler (kelly-anne) with her hip bent to one side to compensate for the lack "womanly" hips that would come after her siblings were small enough to be carried.
to me and many other large families, this is a normal everyday thing. but now that we are all grown, I can't help but die laughing at this peculiar scene.
Anyways I am rambling. The whole point of this stroll down memory lane is to express to you that although i had more responsibilites than the average bear, I loved it. In fact my parents never told me I had to do a single thing. they would actually try to avoid it. For example when Kelly came home from the hospital, I insisted on getting up with my mom for her feedings. My mom enjoyed the quiet time feeding Kevin as my 18 month self remained sleeping, so much, she looked forward to this quiet time with Kelly-Anne. Well lets just say it didnt take my mom long to realize that her "quiet tIme" was now going to be "rambling Bridget time" which would then Lead to "Bridget is too tired to go to preschool because her freak motherly instincts prevented her from sleeping" time which in turn lead to cranky "can I please just get a break from this kid. Go to preschool" mommy. As a result, my mom would tip toe in my room as quietly as he could as not to wake her "widdle" woman.
Well anyways you get the point of all the "responsibility" I bestowed upon myself as a 4 year old "sister-mom". That being said, i truly believe in my heart that, as the famous quotes goes, "it is the things we work hardest that will reward us the most" for some people, that "thing" is school or work or sports. clearly at a very young age, I chose family and I'm still that way today. Unlike my counter parts, I do not have any trophy or plaque to show for the life long dedication to my family, but I do have what many people are not as fortunate to have: a healthy no drama loving family. I'm not saying we're are perfect but I AM saying that we love "hard" and unconditionally. Even if your sibling DID almost kill christmas 2 years ago. In conclusion, i just want to say i love my brother and sisters so much and i am so lucky to have them and will be with them in good times and bad...0Even when a mailbox attacks you on ridge road. My advice to the big world out there is to reach out to your siblings. Love them close or love them from far away. Each relationship and circumstance is unique. Recognize the gift of companionship/ friendship that god gave you through your siblings and rejoice in his undying generosity.
"Sibling relationships...outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and distrust."
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